20 reasons NOT to learn English

I started learning Spanish in the sixth grade. It was mandatory. I am half Mexican, my father is fluent in Spanish. I was not. Most Hispanic people I encountered would ask me why I didn't know Spanish, after all I looked Mexican right? Turns out my dad's generation had parents who didn't want their kids to speak Spanish because it was frowned upon. Maybe that's why he didn't teach me?
I thought I'd try my hand at teaching English to non native speakers. I started teaching at a small non-profit school. I couldn't understand why it was so much harder to learn English. Then at a meeting we were given a list:

"20 Reasons Why The English Language Is Hard To Learn"

1. The bandage was wound around the wound
2. The farm was used to produce produce
3. The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse
4. We must polish the Polish furniture
5. He could lead if he would get the lead out
6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert
7. Since there is no time like the present, he though it was time to present the present
8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum
9. When shot at, the dove dove in to the bushes
10. I did not object to the object
11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid
12. They were too close to the door to close it
13. The buck does funny things when the does are present
14. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line
15. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow
16. The wind was too strong to wind the sail
17. After a number of injections my jaw got number
18. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear
19. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests
20. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

What the heck is this?! Is this really the language I've been raised to learn, write, read and sing to? Who made this language? Someone was smokin' crack when they started making the rules here. All I can say is no wonder I never understood anything in English class. There is absolutely no rhyme or reason to any of it!

I will now learn Esperanto which makes much more sense.

Lost and Broken Camera Haikus

I'm ordering a new camera today! It's a cheap one. You know why? Because I've managed to lose or break every single camera I have ever owned. In purchasing this new camera I have decided to honor the cameras of the past in Haiku...

Denny's Christmas Eve
I left without you, sorry
Never seen again

Visit McMinnville
For Alien Day parade
Dropped you on your face

Newport was so fun
Then someone stepped on you...crap
You function no more


Dear new Camera which costs me $56.79,

I promise to buy a hard shell case to keep you safe. I will cherish and honor you and won't take pictures of ugly things, blood or politicians. I will try my best to keep you close to me at all times so I can photograph monumental events in our lives, most specifically for my blog because people get bored easily when they have to read a lot of words and don't have pictures to look at. Oh dear Camera, please accept my apology in advanced if I break or lose you. It's not you, it's me.

Sincerely,

Desiree

It's the little things that He does.

When I was 3 years old a stranger came to my door and spoke with my mom. They chatted for a short while and she returned to the kitchen and placed a piece of paper on the counter, which fell onto the floor. I picked it up and stared at a picture of a man. Asking my mom who he was she answered His name is Jesus, he was a good man.

I can't remember hearing people talk about God. As kids we would visit my Grandparents in Yakima Washington for Easter and we went to church with them but I don't really have any memories of God or Jesus besides these.

There is one memory I have around age 4 or 5, I am sitting in the car outside of Newberry's and I'm holding my Wuzzle toy. I'm telling him to come to life. He was my best friend (of course!) and I told him "Please Wuzzle, please come to live...NOW!" But he did not. I then pondered the existence of God. I prayed "God if You are real, make my toys come to life. If You make them come to life I will know You are real".

You can ask my brother, he will confirm the morning he woke up to me screaming in his face in delight that the night before I had the most wonderful party with my toys. They had come to life and beckoned me from my slumber. I had tried to wake my brother but he was so fast asleep that he wouldn't wake. He told me it was just a dream but I kept insisting, No! It really happened!! We really had a party! And it was so fun! He tried to convince me but it was too real to believe that it was just a dream.

As the years passed by it became one of those stories that we joked about. You know the kind, the stories told in front of friends and family to top the embarrassing story you just told about them.

It wasn't until my early adult years that I put the two memories together. One of praying to God petitioning to prove himself to me if he would bring my best friends to life. The second having it happen (possibly).

I guess you could say that I subconsciously wanted them to come to life so I just had a dream about it. But what if God really took the time to show Himself to a small girl, a God who created the entire universe. The same God who orchestrates the stars and the planets and the changing of the seasons. The God who crafted mankind and all the wonders of the world. What if that same God took the time to give me a dream, just a small insignificant child (compared to the operations of the universe) just to show that he was real.

All I know is that the joy that I felt when I had that party with those toys is the greatest amount of joy I ever had in my life. It was better than my Disney Land joy. Since then my only topper was when I got saved. When I invited Jesus Christ into my life and he started working on me and shaping me and the best part FORGIVING ME. The joy that came from my relationship with the God of the Universe is the same simple joy, a childlike joy. I'm tellin' you what, there is no better joy!

The moral of this story is: If you want to know if God's REALLY real...ask him to bring your toys to life (as long as you don't own a Chucky Doll)

A Short Biography & Good Parenting Tips

1978 - the movie Halloween debuts.

1980 - the movie Friday the Thirteenth debuts

1983 - my birth

1984 - the movie Nightmare on Elm Street debuts

1985 - The move Nightmare on Elm Street 2 debuts...meanwhile....Hasboro came out with "My Buddy" doll line to teach children how to care for their friends. He had red hair wore blue overalls and a yellow and red striped shirt












1988 - Hit thriller Child's Play hit the theatre with the lead "Chucky" who also had red hair, wore blue overalls and a red and yellow striped shirt. Oh yeah, it also had brown pink and blue stripes to help children and their parents differentiate between the two dolls to avoid being sued.












1988.5 - FAMILY MOVIE NIGHT!!! While Mom was at work Dad said the rest of us could stay up late and watch a movie as long as we didn't tell Mom, because Daddy would get in trouble. Daddy told me it was a kids movie about dolls and rainbows. So we popped our popcorn, got all cozied up and popped Child's play in the VCR.

1988.688679245 - Started wetting the bed.

1989 - Since it was so much fun with Chucky, Daddy decides to make movie night a regular priority and needs to make up for the lost time. (Please refer to 1978, 1980, 1984)

1989.5 - Dad tries to convince Mom to buy electric shocking underwear to fix the bed wetting problem.

1990 - Arachnaphobia is realeased. So is my bladder.

1995 - Wet the bed for the last time.

2002 - Some distant cousin at my graduation party has a my buddy doll and shoves it in my face and raspily says "Hi I'm Chucky, wanna play?" realizing I still have deep issues with Chucky I retreat to the bathroom to hyperventilate, making sure he's not hiding in behind the shower curtain or under the sink.

2010 - I watch parts of Child's play on YouTube and realize it's not as scary as I remember when I was 5 and the graphics are pretty bad. Note to self I probably shouldn't see Bride of Chucky because is most likely very more realistic since it was made in 1998 when graphics were much more realistic. Don't push it Desiree...don't push it.


The Moral of this story is: Going potty once in the bathroom is better than twice in the bed.

Good parenting tip: Don't punish your kids with electric shock undies if it's your fault they're wetting the bed in the first place.

Furniture and Obsessive Cumpulsive Attention Deficit Disorder

Ever since me and my Mom started taking our upholstery classes I've been just obsessed with furniture. I'm not much of a traditional girl so it's no wonder that I find atypical items catching my attention. I recently came across the makings of Vincent Thomas Leman who's furniture pieces are remind me of a dancing caricature from Beauty and the Beast in a Salvador Dali painting. I absolutely love these items however they would never be found in my home. Not just because the cheapest piece is worth more than my car but also I am sort of minimalistic in my decor and like straight lines, everything parallel with either the walls or floor. I've come to love buying black and white CD and DVD boxes from IKEA and keep everything I own in them. I recently purchased and label maker and have been quite obsessive with it. Sure it's driving my husband mad but at least he'll be able to find his neck ties when he's running late (arranged by color spectrum I might add).



I remember when I was a child I became obsessed with scissors, once i knew how they worked. I knew they were kept in the right hand drawer of the kitchen island and I just couldn't stop cutting things. I cut my mom's receipts, incoming mail, my hair, pieces of clothing I knew my mom wouldn't notice..it just would not stop! I was like, Desiree scissor hands or something. Point being I've got a bad case of OCD. don't be surprised if you run into me at the grocery store and you see labels on my purse, clothing, forehead...etc.



I used to read serendipity children's books. My favorite part was the end when you learned the moral of the story so here goes. The moral of this story is:

Don't get ADD OCD. You will not be able to finish a story without starting 3 or 4 new ones. I was supposed to be talking about dancing furniture...not cutting things. Sheesh...

What's in a name?

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet." - Juliet Capulet

So I wonder, what IS in a name? One can only imagine that there are a myriad of baby books with names from every corner of the earth so I can only wonder how one chooses a name for their baby.

In Biblical times, children were named by their character, their attitudes moods and affections (or lack of). Does anyone do that anymore? Who gives birth to a baby and waits to name him until he's 3 or 4? What do you call him until then? "Hey you! Stop eating your mocos! Get those fingers outta there! No not you, your brother." ...See the dilemma?

Ecclesiastes 7:1 says "A good name is better than precious ointment; and the day of death than the day of one's birth". Remember people were named by their actions and character. There were no online gossip columns posting about the neighborhood harlot or magazines or news broadcasts. The reputation you carried with you was literally in your name. What if my name was determined by my reputation? What a scary thought! On our day of birth we have no reputation, however on our day of death our reputation is as full and developed as it will ever be.

How about you. If your reputation determined your name, what would it be?